That fealing right after you strech, not the good fealing but the half second of sickness, thats what i feal like right now. I guess today is to make up for all of the good days i have been having lately...

i need to go trough my room and throw out most of teh stuff in it... if any one wants anything (other than computer and coats) your more or less welcome to it... well teh tv and PS2 stays too. But most of my clothes have got to go.

So theres a new Tenchi OVA out there. Its not half bad. Well i loved the original, and this is just a follow up too it. Regardless it looks to be as promising as the last OVA series was.

I am going to cut my hair... dont know when.. i think i may have said that before...

Still have to cut the grass, been putting that off for 3 days...

Sigh.

I want to rant and go on and on about this or that or the bolder that almost killed me earlyer, but its all importatizadle.

Which remindes me. I finaly talked to steph the other day... online, but its still communication. What did we talk about? hell i dont even remember... somthing about a bleeding anus... IF you dont know, dont ask.

"That was a David Bowie Song..." ~Cobain

I have been putting off listening to 'drunk again' becasue i didnt want to fall inlove with it. Robert was quite pashionate about it... So i figured that it would grow on me like THAT *snaps*... Well i accidently listened to it.. I love this song. Did i call that or what?

Any way i was talking about steph... i had some reason for bringing it up... OH yeah! that was it! Why is it every one i have fallen for lately has been ... umm... Unobtainable? Rehtorial question. but if any one knows the answer i wold love to hear it. for one reason or another i cant get to them. Is it that i say the wrong things? do the wrong things? Am i not funny? Ammusing? is it that i am ass ugly? or perhaps have an ugly ass? Do i randomly burst down a nd hump things madly becasue i cant controll it? wait... er.. that MAY be it... Oh a parked CAR! I digress. Point is i have tryed to be perfect for so many people and every one shys away... Every one but shannon. She is the only person who has tryed to get me to date them in a year! She has been there every step of the way, and put up wit all of my shit. I thank her for that, if it wasnt for her i would be crazy by now. Shes... Something al right. I dont know waht but she is something special.

"I spoke into his eyes i thought you died a long a long long tiem ago" ~The man who sold the world.

Yet again i have my music on whilest i post. It helps... well some of it... Regardless i love this song.

Oh i found out another way laura and i should have met long ago, but i dont remember what it was...

Shes an interesting person her. shes fun to hang around with. But waht i miss is hanging out with her and Robert at the same time. I hope he can get ahold of ... what he needs to so he can see her on a regular basis soon. BUt the last thing i want to do is rush him.

Let the good times roll. By Ray Charles. Good Song. I love the trumpets in it.

Music changed to Ray Charles so i lost my track... as i was saying ...

Yesterday Ray laura and i bakesd a cake with.. umm.. the assiastance of her sister and friend... I almost lost my temper with her sister and caught myself rasing my voice at her twice. I dont know where all of my patiance for children has gone too.. It might be that i am surrounded by incompitance at home... in regards to my brother.......

Which leasds me into somthing i think i complained about before, but cant truly recall if i did or nt . so i am going to again...

I am not one to truly complane. Infact most of the time i bitch about this or that i realy dont care. No, not that i dont care... but it doesnt 'touch' me if that makes any sence. (irony is 'you cant always get what you want' just started playing) Any way as i was saying...

I still havnt gotten any thing for my birthday. From family anyways. I dont care, actualy i prefert it if my friends dont get me any thing... but my mom went out of her way to make sure she knew exactly what i wanted for my birthday. i originaly said nothing, but she ws like i HAVE to get you somthihng... so i told her a minidisk player. and i picked the thing out and everything. she was like ' i will order this asap' Well now shes saying tha we cant afford it this pay checke. or the last one, or the one before that... Now i wouldnt bring this up becasue i kinda did attribute to running her debit card into the RED. but.. She keeps buying stuff. Two shoe racks, a pump to get wateh out of the pool, a pressure washer etc. Well i can understand her buying stuff for herslef but.. WE have a Pressure Washer. She doesnt have enought shooes to fill ONE rack, and the pool has the exact ammount it needs, no more no less. and if more DOES get in the pool, nature works its way and the water evaporates in th FLORIDA SUN! Regardless, she also keeps buying my brother video games and movies. and tonnes of candy, and wonder whs why he doesnt do anyhing productive. regardles, she still owes me a christmass gift that she promised me at, well, christmas time. While i am on the subject, my dad promised me if i could get straight a's he would take me to the gun range soon. That ws sith grade. He still hasnt done it... and its not like he has forgotten about it, i remind him atleast once a week/month. i would think he could find time in 8 years to set aside time for me . Its not even the guns that i care about , hell i will get to shoot all the guns i want in a few weeks, its the TIME i want to spend wiht him. Truth is, i have never been cloes to my dad. And that hurts me, and i think/hope he feas the same way.. but i try to make time and effort.. but ... well. he does have alot to do, and when hes not doing anything its bc hes hurt for some reason or another. But its ok. I dont mind too much. I know he loves me and i love him and he knows it... so its all good.

I called my grandmother in ohio the other day... talked to her for a bit about my biological father. I am his only kid. He adopted when he got marryed.... and his step kids have kids... tehy are taht old... so i am a step uncle... It doesnt hurt me in any way that i dont know him. but i would like to know them.

Any way... as i was saying...

My mom always wants me to be a part of this family. Not in a 'come lets do this together" way but a "Here your old enough now, do this and this and this. oh... it would be nice if you were here from time to time. not in the living room, you can be alone in your room. but the fact that your here is enough..."

People often wonder why i spend as much time out sid e of the home as i do. This is why. I cant wait till i leave. My mom keeps wanting me to tell her why i am doing what i am doing.. Answer is it gets me the hell outa here... i would ratehr be alne then watched worked, but not included. But i cant tell this to her. it would crush her. .. so i just tell her its somthign that i have to do... which is also true. in a way....

I will have my own home in four years. not an apartmen but a house. my own house before i am 25. I cant wait! the only thing i will miss aound here is the people... and st augistine. Yeah, the people... I will miss everyone when i am gone... i hope to keep intouch wiht as manny as i can. Robert shannon, janice audrey joel jackie etc... not in any order mind you. point is thers a few peopel that i will leteraly go to the ends of the earth to see, even if only for a day or so.

Well i am hungry now. so i am going to get some food. Thanks for reading and being there. My heart goes out to everyone. THank you thank you thankyou for everything you have every done for me. This goes to every one.

With all teh love God has to spare,

Steven Grant Drenning-Blalock
Blue Jacket
The Swashbuckler
ChopSTickNinjaMAsterThePirate
And all other names i have ever gone by.